The Internal Landscape Is Sacred

A blog exploring the inner world of communication, self-expression, and healing.

A lot of the motivation for my work is to take back the reigns on life.

𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.

What often felt like the most out of control in my life was my relationships, and how I betrayed myself inside of them and for them.

Not knowing how to stop doing that, in real life rather than concept, was even more painful.

How do I stop silencing myself?

How do I stand up for that cause?

How do I speak out against what I see?

That pain is so very nuanced -

The self-betrayl.

The spiraling thoughts.

The regret of what wasn't said.

The fear of emotional consequences.

In truth, I couldn't bear the thought of being discarded and disliked.

It was a very slow unfolding over time to first acknowledge this internal experience. But all these years later, I know that the only thing that even could shift was me putting an end to it.

I had to stop bullying myself into silence

- and then bullying myself because I was silent.

I had to stop comparing myself to where I wasn't at

- and suffocating under my secret and ever-increasing expectations.

I finally became aware it was never due to what anyone actually did or said (though I knew this in theory for many years) -

This is what started illuminating the path inward.

In the quiet of my mind and heart, I got to work.

I started addressing the mountain of grief that had piled up with every self-inflicted unkindness.

I brought attention to the nastiness that silently stormed and swirled inside of me.

I created frameworks and tools for myself to address the "who, what, when, where, why, and how" of me changing my life - from the inside out.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲, 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝘆 𝗜'𝗺 𝘀𝗼 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.

The confines of our mind and hearts are where life is created - for better or worse.

And it was the realization that it is my own task, no matter how desperate and grueling, to face myself inside of my own inadequacy.

Every external trigger a door.

Every word to myself a key.

Every day a moment to slay that proverbial dragon by saying,

"Rachel, darling, enough is enough"

And while there are external accomplishments like writing a book, hitting 6 figures, or doing this or that -

I am aware that the single most important accomplishment is healing my heart.

Healing hidden grief of all of my offenses against myself.

Facing the death of versions of myself that were abusive.

Embracing the versions of myself that are kind and brave.

And ultimately showing others how to as well along the way.

Am I done? No.

Will I ever be? Doubtful.

Am I showing as many people as I can how to do this if they want to as well?

Hell f*ck yes.

Easter Sunday seems like an appropriate time to celebrate the life/death/life cycle - as we are all capable of this process, over and over again throughout our lives.

You are worth it, and your inner landscape is sacred ground.

Thank you for reading!